It would seem curious as to how something like that can be bad right? Well, it comes from constantly speaking on the same topic. Not only would I speak on the same topics, I would have the same emotion and mood every single time. Like a good friend would do, it was blown off at first. As time went on, my mood and emotion over the conversation would wear on them. We are all human, meaning that we only have so much patience to give on certain things. What this would lead to is friends accusing me of just complaining constantly and having no self-confidence. Now I won't go on some narcissistic like rant to make myself seem better, but after some serious thought over everything, I can honestly say that I cannot blame them for thinking that way.
As I thought it over, I realized that the complaining I was doing, and yes that would be the proper term for how I would get, is due to a comfort zone I created. Within this comfort zone, I was able to make my life seem somewhat better due to things being the fault of someone/something else, or I would get pity (unintentionally) from those listening to me. It came as a gut punch since I have a personal pet peeve about people who complain for attention or for the guaranteed pity. I strive to not be like that, so when I was told this, you can imagine how it struck me. They would explain that it never started off as complaining, but that is exactly what it evolved into over time. It is just like a joke; no matter how good it is, it will become annoying if said again and again. The same goes for a song, no matter how well made the lyrics and/or music.
What struck me the hardest was the fact that most of the things I would dwell on was from the past. In other words, things I can't change even if I wanted to. I would hide behind the past memories and experiences to explain things I would do presently. Now sometimes this would be true, because people are a product of past experiences, but the past cannot be my go-to excuse for my present actions. This would be the root cause of why I would be accused of having no self-confidence. I would complain about bad luck in the past so often that people began thinking that I must feel this way all the time. I discovered that my words were beginning to shape people's perception of me far more than my actions, and that is unacceptable.
I bring this up in a blog because I want to help those that may be in a similar situation. Whether it is due to creating a comfort zone, having an easy scapegoat, or just because it is force of habit, we cannot become stuck in the same conversation and mood with a topic. What goes from perhaps being a therapeutic experience of venting your feelings begins to shape your personality. It is like the old saying that if you're told a lie enough times, you'll begin to believe it. The same happens if you get stuck in a certain mood or conversation.
Also, if we are going to be perfectly blunt, having the same conversation all the time makes you pretty boring. If this is coupled with having the same emotion, people will avoid being around you since the emotion tends to be negative like anger, upset, depressed, ect. This isn't to say that they don't care about your situation, but if you never show improvement or any signs that you are trying to fix/move on from the situation, people will just flat out give up. Nobody wants to be the person that brings down a conversation just because a certain topic gets brought up.
I hope, if you are still reading, that this helped in some way. I know I'm going to try and change how I speak amongst friends. There is nothing wrong letting people in and revealing parts of yourself that not a lot of people get to know about, but we have to avoid getting stuck in one gear.
Remember, Don't Panic, and never forget your towel.
